Theodicy is one of the hardest theological problems. It concerns the question of how evil can exist given the existence of an all-loving, all-powerful god. For example: Why do childhood diseases exist? What kind of god allows both the Tullis and Emett families move within months of each other? How can a loving god allow the Ward Clerk to send out stupid emails for years without being released from his calling? How can good exist in the same universe as Cybertrucks? Why do car keys keep getting lost?

Luckily, we do not have to wrestle with this question because we understand that God is in fact not all powerful, but rather his power is based on the number of Sacrament Programs on the earth. To be more precise, if n is the number of sacrament programs and p is the population on the earth, then God’s power is given by the formula

P(n) = 0.023 n^2 + 1374.8603 n - 12.76 log(p)

The units of course are GPUs (God Power Units) and in 1977 God surpassed 1 million GPUs, which allowed him to unlock the “Smallpox Eradication” achievement. Unfortunately, since then some Sacrament Programs have switched to digital and so we are farther today from eradicating measles and polio than were were a few years ago. Please keep your Sacrament Programs! Throwing them away is taking power away from God. In fact, the wanton destruction of Sacrament Programs is what led to the destruction of mankind due to the flood.